I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
