I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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