there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
