This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
