There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
