I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
