I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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