I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
