I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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