just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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