Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
