I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
