that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
