i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
