He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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