i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
