Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
they need to just BURY HIM!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
