i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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