M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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