Don't make out with my wife yet
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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