just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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