True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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