you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
