what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
