i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
