Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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