ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
