the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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