the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
