sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
