man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
