So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You ruined the universe
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
