i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
