I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
