Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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