It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
