so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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