Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You took a bar mat shot.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
