omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
