If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You pole danced in your parka.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
