I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Panties = found
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
