I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize