Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
