Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
