I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
