My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
