Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
