The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
