i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
