3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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