do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
