Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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