i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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