Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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