It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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