I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize