She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
