yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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