did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
