you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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