I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
my liver is dry heaving
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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