we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
