So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
