He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
