she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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