I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
