Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
