We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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