and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
