Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
