"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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